We’re 7 weeks in. 7 weeks!!! Where the hell did my life go??
I’d love to say that nobody told me what it was going to be like but plenty of people tried to warn me that there would be sleep deprivation and vomit and crying and a level of stress that I didn’t think possible but I was in that bubble of pregnancy where all you can think about is how amazing it’ll be to have a baby. I’d love to go back to that Steph and warn her that she needs to make the most of napping and having time to herself.
I’d tell her that things are about to change a lot more than she can understand and there’s going to be times where her brain is going to stop functioning and she will be desperate to go back to her old life.
There’ll be moments when she’ll be overwhelmingly happy and so in love with this new creature in her life that her heart could explode but there’ll be times where she just wants to stop existing because it’s all too much.
Nappies will explode, bottles will need cleaning, stitches need to recover and sometimes standards need to be lowered. These are all things I would love to go back and tell that naïve, wide-eyed woman waiting impatiently for her baby to arrive.
The thing I couldn’t explain to her though is that she can do this. And that it’ll get better. It might start off difficult and seem impossible that anyone can survive off so little sleep and Oz might be a terrifying, screaming hobgoblin that just wants to destroy whatever sanity his parents have left…but she can do it.
I can do everything that he needs. I can deal with my entire life being ripped apart and put back together again. I can live off 4 hours sleep a night. I can get over his arrival into the world and recovering from it. I can be brave when taking him back to hospital again and again. I can find myself again in the chaos. And I can be everything he needs me to be.
I’m a mum now. And I can do it.